If You're Reading This
by Bralt
Summary: So lay me down/In that open field out on the edge of town/And know my soul/Is where my Momma always prayed that it would go/And if you're reading this/If you're reading this/I'm already home


**_Disclaimer: I don't own Ranger's Apprentice, any of its characters, or Tim McGraw's song If You're Reading This_**

_Halt looked at the blank piece of parchment in front of him. In one hand he held a mug of coffee; the other hand was ready to write his thoughts down with his quill wet with ink. Outside the tent he could hear the men getting ready for battle. The thunder of horse hooves was accompanied by the clink of chainmail while curses were shouted and the smoke of dying fires drifted in through the open flap. _

_Taking a deep breath, he scribbled down the first thing that came to mind, he'd be leaving soon and he needed this to be done first. With that done he drained his mug and stood. He had to find a messenger quickly._

* * *

Will cleared his throat and looked down at the parchment that had created so much sorrow. Pauline was curled up in Halt's cloak on the couch while Crowley was sitting in a chair by the fire with an untouched mug of coffee. Gilan was leaning against the wall by the flame, looking at it angrily, as if it was the fire's fault this had happened.

Will licked his dry lips and read aloud, "_If you're reading this, Pauline is sitting there. Looks like I only got a one way ticket over here. I sure wish I could give you one more kiss, and war was just a game we played when we were kids_."

* * *

_Halt gathered up his tent and other belongings, his knives were already placed at his waist and his quiver across his back, but the blankets needed to be rolled up and his small sack of provisions placed back in his saddlebags. The task didn't seem to take long enough, and he was saddling Abelard and riding to his position in front of his company before he realized it._

_He glanced around at the knights joking with each other as they readied and felt his hand clench around the piece of fabric that had once belonged to Pauline's wedding dress._

* * *

Will read over the next few lines, gathering up his courage to deliver them. Crowley had already read it, but he was still sitting in stony silence. Meanwhile, Will and Gilan were still trying to grasp what this meant. Pauline didn't seem to be in any better condition as she buried her head in Halt's old cloak.

"_Well I'm laying down my bow, and hanging up my boots. I'm up here with God and we're both watching over you_."

* * *

_The day didn't seem to realize what was going on. The sky was a brilliant blue and cloudless while the air was pleasantly warm, but not so warm as to make any sweat appear. The bright green grass waved in the slight breeze all across the plain, and Halt reflected that it didn't look much different from Araluen. All around men were gathering and he looked out with his keen eyes. Marching towards them was a seemingly huge dark mass. He watched as they came over a small knoll and realized with a drop in his stomach how outnumbered they really were._

* * *

Will couldn't bring himself to say the next words. Instead he set the letter in Crowley's lap and joined Gilan by the flames. He felt nauseous just from looking at the writing, if he'd had to read it, he was sure he'd collapse.

It took a moment for Crowley to pick the letter up from where Will had placed it. After a deep breath, he started to speak. His voice was almost a whisper, but it carried to the three sets of ears that were listening.

"_So lay me down in that open field out on the edge of town. And know my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go. And if you're reading this, I'm already home."_

* * *

_By the time everybody was formed up, their enemy was halfway across the plain to them. Despite this, more men were pouring over the knoll Halt had seen the front come over. It didn't give him a good feeling, but if he let that show then they'd already lost. He couldn't afford that. He'd promised Pauline he'd make it home and there was no way he was going to just give up. If it came down to death, then that's what it came to, but he wasn't going without a damn good fight._

* * *

Crowley glanced at Pauline before he read what came next. He'd already read it, but it didn't seem right for him to deliver the next few lines. Standing slowly, he walked over to her and handed her the parchment. She didn't take it at first, and he didn't force her, but after a moment a hand came out of Halt's cloak to grab it. She'd already been crying silently, but Crowley realized she'd read what was there for her tears came down in a river instead of a stream.

_"If you're reading this, half way around the world, I won't be there to see the birth of our little girl. I hope she looks like you. I hope she fights like me. Stands up for the innocent and the weak._

* * *

_I'm laying down my gun  
I'm hanging up boots  
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes_

_So lay me down  
In that open field out on the edge of town  
And know my soul  
Is where my momma always prayed that it would go  
And if you're reading this  
I'm already home_

* * *

_Halt had never heard a silence so complete. It was as if the world was holding its breath. Even the birds that had chirped merrily as they flew over had gone silent. They watched as the opposing army made it's slow way to them across the land. Halt had finally spotted their rear so no longer was there an endless amount coming over the knoll. That gave him some small peace. At least they knew there was an end to this force. He glanced around him at the men he'd be leading. He knew several personally, a few more by reputation, but mostly he'd just been given their lives to command without knowing anything about them._

_Shaking his head slightly, he glanced around at the others not in his control. Nobody moved which showed how disciplined they were. That was a good thing at least. However, Halt was wondering if it'd be enough. He'd lived through events where numbers meant nothing and it all came down to discipline, but he had a feeling this time the numbers were too big for any discipline to disadvantage._

_Despite his misgivings, he yelled the command once the warhorns blew, and all at once he was too caught up to think any more. The first few lines of the enemy fell beneath them, but after that it was almost a slaughter. And not to his side's advantage. He lasted long, shooting enemies far off and stabbing the ones closer, but for every one he cut down, ten came to replace him. He felt Abelard collapse beneath him, and his last view was of the bright and cloudless sky before the enemy swarmed over him, crushing him beneath their feet._

* * *

Pauline sobbed as she read the last of the letter. She almost couldn't see Halt's familiar scrawl through the tears, and it took her a moment to realize that she was actually crying on the writing. She didn't care though, it didn't matter. In fact, she wanted nothing more than to burn this piece of parchment and convince herself it was just a cruel jape that some fool thought might be funny. She'd even hug Crowley if he broke out in his goofy grin and started laughing at how ridiculous she'd reacted to another one of his jokes. However, that didn't happen.

Her tears got so bad she couldn't read the final of what Halt had written, and she had to use his cloak to wipe her eyes. She wanted badly to believe that this wasn't Halt writing, but she could almost hear his voice behind her saying the words as she read them, and all the sudden wiping her eyes had become useless. He was gone, and his stupid self just had to be caring in the end. He just had to be that nice guy underneath his grey beard.

"_If you're reading this, there's gonna come a day when you'll move on, and find someone else. And that's ok. Just remember this: I'm in a better place. Where soldiers live in peace, and angels sing amazing grace."_

_So lay me down  
In that open field out on the edge of town  
And know my soul  
Is where my Momma always prayed that it would go  
And if you're reading this  
If you're reading this  
I'm already home_

**Please review, I apologize if I don't respond**


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